Emotional Beings

Well to understand us is to know that above all else, we are firstly emotional creatures. This could be said of both male and female genders but through social conditioning one is more likely to continue to be moreso than the other.

As a result we experience and interpret the world emotionally first before we understand it any other way.

Know this and you begin to comprehend the inner workings of the female mind.

Women: What makes us tick?

So it's time to have a little fun.

Let's delve into the deep abyss that is the female mind.

Contrary to popular belief we are not as complicated as we may seem. We are actually very easy to understand when you know what you need to know.

In this series we will look broadly at the female gender, what makes us tick and how to gain meaningful insight into who we are.

Last words: The Adolescent Brain

Now that we've covered some topical issues I hope in some way they give you something valuable things to think about.

If you're a parent, an older sibling an older cousin, aunt or an older whomever, this last piece of information may be important for you to know.

If you find yourself not being able to get through to your young person, trying to reason but never able to get them to see sense don't beat your head against the wall, there may be a perfectly good explanation for this.

There is a part of the brain that is responsible for much of the conscious thought and reasoning and it does not in fact develop fully until their early 20's. This is called the Frontal Lobe. Their ability to understand the consequences of their actions or to process emotions well for example is severely hampered by this natural developmental delay so in a sense, knowing this may help you to find a better way to deal with each situation as it comes. That's not to say completely let them off the hook, definately set your boundaries and stick with them however help yourself by not losing your head. 

Keep your cool. In time everything will come full circle. Just remember when it seems your young person isn't getting it, maybe it's because physiologically they literally can't.

So good luck. Perservere. Praise their strengths, overlook their weakness. Love them, be there for them but most of all enjoy them simply because they are yours.

Taking risks, testing the limits: What works

It is well known that young people indulge in risk taking behaviour. They constantly test the limits and consequently adolescence can be a nightmare of a time.

You may be able to minimise some of the risk by investing good time in their character development upfront.

Nurture in them a strong social conscience. Raise their level of awareness to the challenges they might face. Teach them to recognise peer pressure but more importantly to make good decisions and when they do to be prepared they may at times stand alone. Teach them the importance of keeping good company and what good friends are. Trust that from your guidance they will exercise good judgement whatever the situation whomever the company. That in reality, is all you can really do.

Sexual Orientation and Identity: What works

Sooner or later our young person will become curious about the opposite sex. Adolescence and raging hormones will do that to you. But what happens if their curiosity leans more towards same sex, transgender, bi-sexual experiences? How do you deal with that?

Simple. Truthfully assess what is most important to you; your relationship with your young person or the beliefs that you hold for them.

Following on from the previous post, we know that forcing an identity on a young person does not work. They will rebel and resent you for it. If we make the same mistake with their sexual orientation and identity, we will loose them for certain.

Young people crave so desperately, the sense of belonging and acceptance. Sometimes the hardest place to get that is in the family so many will willingly mask who they really are, carry the pain and dejection of having to pretend they are someone they are not and sacrifice their own true happiness because the fear of disappointment or being ostracized; and instead they live a double life.

This is what many of them are willing to sacrifice for the love of their family. My question is, what is the family willing to sacrifice for the love of their young person?

I am fully aware that this is a highly sensitive not to mention controversial topic and not all will agree with such a plain explanation and so I leave it to you to decide what is more important?

Identity Crisis: What works

Adolescence is the time that young people really start to develop an idea about who they are. Having said that, it doesn't mean that during this developmental stage they figure this out to any definitive degree.

As we're already aware adolescence is a crazy busy time not to mention a majorly confusing one. There's so much happening all at once that it's important to ensure something still grounds them.

Young people can benefit greatly when they know their roots. Be proud of that heritage. Help them to see the value in their culture.

Keep it real though. Be open to the fact that their reality may no longer be the same as yours. Societies these days are far more diverse and multicultural than they've ever been and with your young person growing up amongst all that, it will ultimately impact on who they become. 

Better to accept them as they see themselves then to force an identity on them that they will resent.

Physical Changes: What works

So now we're up to physical changes. Your young person is starting to look and sound different. There is a massive growth spurt that begins where body parts start to fill out, round out, get taller, voices drop, facial hair comes on more rapidly, the list goes on. We are now we are in full swing.

As your young person goes through these changes, allow them time to adjust and get used to their new look. We eluded to the importance of young people developing a positive body image in an earlier post and that starts with us. If we accept them the way they are, they will grow in confidence. If we don't, we open a door that can lead to some major insecurties about how they look and that door is very difficult to close.

So praise them often. Tell them how wonderful they look especiallv if they have difficulty seeing it themselves, but keep them grounded. Young people are already fiercely critical of the way they look anyway but be careful that does not spill over to their criticism of others. Not a good habit to encourage.
Set the example. You want them to feel comfortable with their own bodies and respectful about others.